The first step I took to find my real-self was going on a mission to destroy the lies I tell myself to fit in. The way to create wealth is simple: we must learn from our mistakes; put our revelations into practice; and destroy the poisonous lies we tell ourselves to fit in.
I learned a lot about myself this last weekend as I took a trip to Denver, Colorado. My goal was to become more aware of my thoughts than I’ve ever been. This is the story of how I won against the lies I tell myself, and began to destroy them like the evil snakes that they are.
I traveled to Colorado to attend a family member’s birthday party. I’ll be honest, seeing my family has always been one of the hardest things for me to do. I don’t know why, but I always feel desperate to be accepted by them. They are some of the closest people in my life; who have watched me stumble through the years to find myself; but even in our closeness, I have an internal fear of not being understood by them.
To feel accepted, I have often compromised my own values, so that I could appear more exciting and interesting than I really feel about myself. Being a Christian all my life, I have always had this deep fear that my family wouldn’t find me cool or interesting, and instead think I am boring or too-righteous-for-my-own-good because of my beliefs. To overcome this fear of loneliness, I would often pretend I am someone I am not.
I know this is dysfunctional thinking. And I totally have to admit that I have no idea where this dual-personality complex came from. No one from my family has ever told me they didn’t like me. I made it up, and I imagined a lot of my own fears. The more I stressed about them, the more my fears became real in my own mind.
Over time, I adopted these lies as truths, and I distorted the way I acted to fit in with the lies. I know it’s crazy, but I just realized I have been doing this my entire life. Rather than being the interesting, honest, and likable person I really am, I have been caving in to the power of the lies I created.
On this trip to Colorado, I decided enough was enough, and I am sick of becoming this fake person around family. The weight of these lies has become too great of a burden to carry. On this trip, I decided I was going to improve the quality of my life by destroying these three lies I tell myself so I could find myself again:
Lie I tell myself #1:
Strangely, food has been a major issue in my life which I have used to hide behind. I would use food to escape, and hide from the real issues in my life. But ultimately, no matter what, or how much I ate, I would never feel satisfied with myself. God woke me up to this problem when I did THE WHOLE 30 DIET recently. The diet turned out to be like an extended fast for me, where I was able to remove my harmful desires for food, deal with my digestive issues, and find God’s voice and my true-self again. When I was able to say no to my negative reliance on food, I was able to find a closer relationship with God again.
I was terrified my family would judge me for my improved eating habits. I only choose to eat healthy foods now, and I was terrified of being judged and alienated by the people I care the most about. I was afraid of giving them the impression that I thought I was better than them by what I choose to eat.
But to my surprise, I found that my family thought I was even more interesting because of my discipline and my search to find the healthy lifestyle I believe in. Saying no to food, and staying true to myself, turned out to be one of the most liberating experiences of my life. I planned ahead – I cooked my own meals – I found new confidence in myself in the place I least expected it = in the midst of my family who I have been afraid of offending my whole life.
Lie I tell myself #2:
This one is embarrassing for me to admit, but I had a bad habit of using curse words whenever I was around friends or family. I have no idea of where this behavior came from, but I just felt so desperate to be accepted, that I ignored my own values so that I could bond with others. It was a ridiculous act that I would put on, and I have no idea where it came from. No one ever told me I had to swear to fit in, but I listened to the lies in my mind, and I believed that swearing was required part of being liked and I did it. I tried to use the swear words as a ladder I could climb to being liked and accepted, but in the end, what a stupid idea it was! If anything, the curse words would tear me down inside, and leave me feeling depressed, because I could feel myself abandoning my values in the process.
I was determined to make this trip different, and I did. Before I left Minnesota, I made a conscious decision to destroy this mask of swear words I would wear so that I could stay true to who I am. With God’s help, I was able to do it, and I left Colorado feeling better than I ever have before because I stayed true to the person I am becoming.
Lie I tell myself #3:
Alcohol. Again, I have no idea where this lie in my mind originated, but I started to believe that if I acted like an experienced drinker, then I would be better liked and respected by those who drank. I would make a fool out of myself by drinking small amounts of beer and wine, and then get loud, and act ridiculous, thinking I was impressing people in the process. I was so afraid of being “the different one,” in the family, that I would go over the top acting really like “the different one.” Most of the time, rather than presenting myself as the woman I truly am, I would present myself as a fool, because I believed a lie in my mind that told me that people would rather like a false version of myself than the real, true me. I refused alcohol on this trip when it was offered to me, because I know in my own heart, I really don’t like it!
Ultimately, I made a decision before I left home that I was finally going to stand up and be myself when I face adversity in life. The adventure to find my true self, and purpose in life, was going to start on this trip. If people weren’t willing to love the real me for being different, that it wasn’t my responsibility to be someone I am not to make them more comfortable. By being myself, I found out who I really want to be, and my revelation was, that the only way to find confidence in yourself is to stand up and fight against the lies we make in our minds.
When you go against the role you were born into, it can make you feel lonely and afraid, but in the end, you have to do it because your happiness and health are the only things that matter in this life. I really learned this on this trip:
You can’t inspire people to find themselves, if you’re so busy telling yourself lies to fit into places you shouldn’t be in the first place!
Let God and the Holy Spirit guide you to who you’re supposed to be, and don’t settle for the lies we have turned into truths in our minds. A person overflowing with wisdom, is really one of the wealthiest people you will ever meet. This is the type of human beings we try to become here.
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