CHAPTER 13
WOODFISH LAKE
JUNE 16
Black flies buzz around Brad’s legs. High winds pound the lake throwing waves onto shore. Whitecaps rise to Brad and Rick’s hips as they stand knee-deep in water on either side of the dock. Rick yells, “Winds are supposed to be gusting up to 30 miles an hour today. Lake’s rough, isn’t it?”
Their t-shirts ripple against their bodies and Brad lifts the knife in his hand. The sunlight sparkles as it hits the blade. “If we would have stayed in the boat once the wind picked up, we might not have been able to get back.”
Rick grabs a wiggling bass from the net and lays it on the dock. “At least we caught enough for dinner tonight.”
Sunfish swim around their feet. Brad grabs another fish out of the net and holds it firmly on the dock boards. He stabs the knife into its belly, and cuts between the rib cage and around its red gills. He surveys his work. He’s gotten pretty good at cleaning fish the last few weeks.
Rick stands on the opposite side of the dock and watches. “How did your meeting with the psychologist go yesterday?”
Brad hates talking about this stuff. Anger rises inside him. He tosses a cleaned fish into a fresh bucket of water and reaches for another.
Rick stops cutting. “There are no secrets out here; if you don’t want to tell me these things, I’m still going to ask and I expect answers.”
Brad feels the fish squirming between his fingers. He looks down and watches its scales shimmer like tiny rainbows in the sun. “I left the meeting with Dr. Oswald early.”
Rick stares at him through the wind. “Did he say you could leave? Because if the cops are coming here looking for you, you have to leave now. I’ve seen enough red and blue flashing lights in my life, and I don’t want to see anymore.”
“The police aren’t coming here – he said I could go.”
The waves crash over the dock and splash up on their chests. Rick presses a fish down on the dock boards and slices into its belly. He cusses at the water. He didn’t want to get wet today. “You better not break the rules, because if you go on the run, the police are going to come looking for you here, I’ll tell you right now I’m not covering for you.”
The water splashes Rick’s face, irritating him even more. “I’m done keeping secrets for people, especially for a punk kid who can’t see that there are some really good people trying to help him.”
“I ain’t a punk, Rick.”
“What are you then?”
“If everyone would just treat me differently, then they’d see −”
“Do you think everyone in life is going to treat you like I do? Because if you’re waiting for an easy path through life, you’re not going to make it anywhere. Spend a week working in my company, and you’ll see how many jerks I have to deal with on a daily basis. Most of them are my customers, but I’d never be able to afford this home unless I checked my pride at the door and served them even if they are jerks.”
Brad shakes his head. “But that’s different − you have the choice to do your job. I don’t have a choice – The courts are forcing me to do this.”
“I’m thirty-eight years old, Brad, and trust me, life forces me to do things I don’t want to do every day. I promise you’re going to regret having this attitude if you go to jail and those doors slam shut behind you. You’re going to dream about the life you had out here, and wish you could have done it all differently, every second, of every day.”
Brad sarcastically smirks – “Do you think I’ll meet a big freak in there that will call me ‘Mouse‘ too?”
Rick can’t believe what he just heard. He stabs his knife in the dock and throws the fish skeleton in the lake.
He shakes his head and points at Brad, “If you’re going to make fun of me for what I’ve been through, get the hell off of my property right now. You can’t comprehend the nightmare I lived. Keep on pushing your limits and acting stupid, and you’ll find out how cold and empty a prison cell feels at night. You won’t laugh at me then. Maybe that is a good thing for you to experience, because it’s the only way I learned.”
Brad becomes afraid of the man he thought was his friend. “But, Rick, I −”
“Shut the hell up for a second −” Rick shakes his head − “I’ve been trying to be nice to you, and take you out fishing because nobody ever did that for me, but when I try to talk to you, man to man about serious things, all I hear is you whining like a little baby. Honestly, I’m getting sick of you acting like a child, Brad.”
“But −”
“I told you to shut up. Listen to me for a second… I really don’t think you could handle prison. It would destroy you. I was in my twenties when I took the journey, and I barely made it. The gangs would eat you alive, and your Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to be there to protect you like they do out here. Go ahead and laugh at me if you want, but the sewer rats will eat you alive in there once they realize how weak you are.”
“But I was just playing, Rick −”
Rick stares back at Brad with a scowl, “Some things you can’t take back. You haven’t done anything with your life yet, but you want to be treated like you’ve done everything. You’re spoiled, arrogant, and at times, extremely annoying. But for whatever reason, I still like you.”
The waves splash against Rick’s legs and he rubs the water off his arms. “I’m a lucky guy, Brad. I’ve found my purpose, my dreams, and I’ve made peace with God. I want you to find the same adventure that I’ve found, without having to go through all the nightmares that I had to go through to get here. That’s how I’m trying to help you, but you just won’t take my help.”
“I’m sorry, −”
Rick pulls his knife out of the wood. “If you would have insulted someone in prison like you just insulted me, somebody probably would have punched you. But I’m not like that. I’m trying to show you a different way, because I believe there’s a better way than letting someone suffer in a cage for the rest of their lives.”
“Seriously, Rick, I didn’t mean to −”
“Maybe you didn’t, but you still insulted me. You have no idea the embarrassment I feel for what I did. I helped people get addicted to drugs they never should have tried. I played a part in families breaking up; people losing their jobs; good people dying from overdoses, because I was a selfish junkie who only cared about getting my next fix.”
Rick stops. “And that inmate you called a freak is a real person to me. He struggled to accept that he was going to spend the rest of his life in prison, yet he still went out of his way to help me. I don’t know if he’s dead, or if he finally did go crazy in there. It’s an answer I’ll never know.”
“You could write him and find out.”
“On my last day in prison, before I left, he told me prison was a place you should leave and never look back on. I told him I’d still write him, but he said, ‘Convicts don’t write; they just disappear and never come back. I still promised him I’d write, but after I got out, I started my business, and I got so busy that I never did. I still have guilt about abandoning him after he helped me understand so many things about my life. I wouldn’t be so successful today without him.”
Rick lays another fish on the wood and slices into its belly. His voice mellows, but he’s still angry. “You’re going to have to work harder if you want to keep coming out here. I want to see more evidence that you can control your emotions, and use that energy to drive you forward, rather than just crying about how hard your life is all the time.”
Waves bash against the dock. Brad’s feet sink deeper into the sand, and he kicks away the sunfish nibbling on his toes. “But these psychologists talk to me like I’m an idiot − I don’t want to let them win −”
Rick laughs, “I felt the same way with the psychologists who were trying to get inside my mind in prison. You know what Dino told me when I complained about them? He said, ‘There is no winning and losing in prison. The only victory you can have is gaining your freedom and going home to your family one day. Sometimes you have to crawl through months of crap to get there, but as long as you make it through, you’ll forever be a winner in life.”
“But I hate when people judge me before they get to know me.”
Blood drips between Rick’s fingers. He cuts into his next fish, “Then start standing up for yourself, and prove that you’re different. Nobody gave me my house and my company. I had to prove my character was strong enough, and then I had to earn it. Only then did God give it to me. We are all waiting for you to do the same thing.”
Brad stares at him, “How do I start fixing my life then?”
Rick throws a fish filet into the bucket of filleted fish. “We’re a lot like each other, Brad. You’re a risk-taker like I am, which will help you make up a lot of ground fast. But first you must realize how powerful your mind is. Your thoughts are creating your reality. Fix the thoughts in your mind, and you will begin to fix your reality.”
The blood drips through the dock into the water, and Brad thinks about the comment.
Rick exhales. “I see a confused kid who wants to be recognized as a leader, but who hasn’t done anything to deserve it yet.” Rick moves his legs to get stronger footing in the sand. “Do you want to avoid prison with all your heart?”
Brad nods. “Yes.”
“Then let’s make a plan and start executing that plan.” Rick stares him in the eyes. “That’s how you things get done in this life. That’s how great people become great people. They don’t wait for life to come to them. They make plans to improve their minds, and then execute their ideas to make the world a better place. Let me ask you a question so you can see this situation more clearly: Who was arrested?”
“I was.”
“Did the psychologist have anything to do with your arrest?”
“No.”
“So ultimately, who’s responsible for this mess?”
“I am.”
Rick crawls out of the water and stands on the dock, “That’s why you should be the only one we are focusing on. I promise you… improve your mind, and everything else will improve around you.”
Rick gazes across the lake. “The biggest piece of advice I’ll give you right now is: Stop fighting everyone. Listen to the people who care about you. New perspectives and ideas won’t hurt you. We can help you. Get people fighting with you, rather than against you, and you will be able to do anything you want to with your life. Who is the one holding the keys to your future?”
“Doctor Oswald is.”
“Then the only way to get your freedom back is to get him on your side.”
Brad squints in the sun as he climbs up on the dock. Off in the distance, he watches a sailboat with red, white, and blue sails fly across the water. It’s one of the most beautiful sights he’s ever seen.
“What’s it like being free?” He asks Rick. “I mean, I’ve been in trouble so long, I forgot what freedom is like.”
Rick remembers his years of incarceration and they contrast against his new life living on the lake. “Freedom is like that red sun on the horizon − every second is bright, amazing, and powerful – in freedom, the mysteries of life never end – and every day brings you new adventure to find a deeper version of yourself to explore.”
He watches the sailboat turn the corner and disappear in the trees. “In freedom, you can finally forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, and you can finally move on to find new adventures with your life.”
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